The Step That Saved Me
Hay Daizee Loves!
If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I was coming out of an extremely dark place when I decided to launch Pretty Daizee. My spiritual, mental, and emotional state were at an all-time LOW. My blog was birthed out of so much pain, but God truly gave me beauty from my ashes. I’ve always known I was supposed to be sharing my story in some capacity, but I didn’t want to do it like this. Not at first... even though I knew God wanted me to. BUT I am so glad I said YES because writing has been so therapeutic and has helped with my healing process tremendously. Pouring into Pretty Daizee has made me hold myself accountable and deal with the things that brought me so low.
Pretty Daizee saved my life. People always ask what I mean, and I mean it literally saved me. I was doing any and everything just to feel something. Just to feel somewhat alive! I was headed down a dark and dangerous path that was nowhere near God. Things could be so different for me right now. Y’ all just don’t know. I could have caught something. I could have a whole baby by someone I don’t even like. I could have become a full-blown alcoholic and lost my job (I’m honestly still suffering physically from all the liquor). I could have gotten myself killed dealing with the people I was dealing with. Like do you hear me? I could have gotten to the point of no return. You know how on Vampire Diaries they turn their humanity switch off? That was me. I just did not care. Deep down I did though because I was experiencing so much spiritual warfare, but the pain was making me make dumb decisions because I just wanted it to go away. Not realizing I was creating more problems I’d later have to deal with and potentially ones I could not escape from… ever.
So, here I am Friday celebrating my growth and how far I’ve come in a year. I was looking at the pictures I took in celebration of my blogaversary and just wanted to cry. For the first time in forever, it didn’t feel like I was looking at a fake or forced smile on my face. I see pictures of myself from the last 3-4 years and even though I am smiling, I know that I was soooo unhappy. I had been dealing with so much inside. I am just now getting to a place where I have fully accepted the things that happened, and I can understand and be thankful that they happened. I would not be who I am today without those things, and I am so freaking proud of the young woman I am becoming! But honestly, this is just the beginning. Healing and self-love are a process. Continually obeying God and taking steps in the right direction is not always easy or what I want. But I am learning He does want some things for me that I don’t know that I want… or need… YET.
It’s been a nice little shift happening within me and around me the last few weeks, and I am just excited about my life. Growth game strong. If you want different, you have to move different. That’s how I am approaching the rest of 2018. I may not know 100% what I WANT but I know what I don’t want and that’s good enough for me. I am figuring so many things out and I am just so thankful God saved me from myself and gave me something so beautiful that I can share with you all.
I can’t thank you all enough for taking the time to read what I share and taking even more time to comment or text me to talk about it. I love my Daizee Loves so much, and I pray that what God leads me to share, continues to give you hope and inspire you all. I promise you are not alone, joy really does come in the morning, and you can make all your dreams come true!
Love ALWAYS,
Megan