21 Days Later
I am not sure why I decided to start my fast on my Founders’ Day and on a Monday that I was off. CLEARLY, I had not thought that through. LOL. So, Day 1, I was immediately not feeling my decision to do a fast. It was disheartening. I already knew I was not in the same place I was in the last time I did a fast… which is a good and bad thing. GOOD because I was not drowning in heartache. GOOD because I wasn’t mad at God. BAD because I felt like I was making decisions to put me right back in that position. BAD because I really felt OKAY spiritually (that’s what the devil wanted me to think). I was mentally drained and surrounded by uncertainty… a little bit of regret… feeling stupid… like I still didn’t know my worth… like I still didn’t know how to love myself… and just negative emotions this go around. Still, all better than the crippling heartache of January 2017 and the constant asking of, “God, why did you let this happen?!” (SN: I promised myself I WOULD NEVER feel that broken over a grown boy EVER AGAIN. For me, it’s one thing to feel stupid, but it takes me completely out of the game when I feel rejected). Anyways, back to the fast… So, the Sunday BEFORE I started the fast was extremely intense. My uncle preached his first sermon and it was AMAZING. It was a really good day for my family. The spirit was HIGH all day and it carried over into dinner that night. If you know how my family is set up on my mom’s side, we are all extremely close. My cousin’s and I are like siblings. We pretty much know what’s going on in each other’s lives, so the evening concluded with an intervention/ heart-to-heart just for baby cousin Megan. REALLY INTENSE but I am super thankful for my cousins, aunts, and uncles. I knew it was all GOD because everything that was said that evening was a dose of reality FOR ME. With the fast coming up, I was already starting to reflect on the negative things that were consuming my life. I knew what situation made me feel like I needed to fast. I knew what situation was draining me and causing me to forget who I was and what I was worth. Like… I just knew what needed to change in my life.
SO… this dose of reality. That’s the thing. I have found lately that it is so hard for me to be honest with myself! Why? Because things change when you are honest with yourself. I have been in like a fairytale LALA LIE land in my head, avoiding all of the things that I KNEW were reality and avoiding being honest with myself. That’s really why I wanted to fast. I knew I needed time ALONE with myself and with my thoughts. I knew I needed time to think about reality and make legitimate choices MOVING FORWARD after the fast. Have you ever spent time with yourself… no distractions? Because spending time with just ME, free from all distractions is INTENSE. I am an intense individual. My thoughts scare me half of the time because I seriously just feel and think deeply, so it is just a lot. It’s hard to deal with SELF and SELF’s role in a lot of situations. That’s why a lot of people are walking around DISTRACTED, completely terrified of 1-on-1 time with themselves. CRAY RIGHT? It’s amazing how real things get when you start cutting out distractions. The picture begins to look different. At least for me.
What happened during the 21 Days?
- Physically
Week 1 was the best, health wise for me. I only went to work 1 day that week. I almost fell out twice that day too! LOL BECAUSE since I was at home the first few days of the fast, I was in the bed a lot and not moving much, so I could not feel the effects of the fast. Then, once I fell back into my normal routine… it was too much energy exerted for the amount of food I was eating. PLUS… the detox side of things… like my little body was working EXTREMELY hard. I dropped 6lbs the first 6 days. I wasn’t really surprised. Water weight disappears quickly when you’re fasting. The real test came when we traveled to my grandma’s house for the weekend. My parents and I had pretty much decided it would be best for me to switch over to their diet (a lot of meat and cheese) after my first week, simply because of my intolerances (meat and dairy) that started after the 2017 fast (and they freak out when I am not eating a lot). So, I transitioned into that over the weekend at my grandma’s with some chicken salad and a taco salad. Thanks to my Aunt Linda and her candy bag full of all of my favorite candies, I did cheat Sunday and had some sugar. Way to go Meg! LOL BUT I did start working out during week 2, which is really, really good.
- Spiritually
I was so convicted during Sunday school the first Sunday of the fast. Like crying because I felt so bad for my recent sins. And just realizing that I NEVER struggled with certain sins until 2017. Like… what happened to me? I use to have sense… please forgive me Lord. I had a good amount of journal entries the first week and was reading my devotionals. However, the spiritual aspect of the fast took a hit because of the mental part of things. I jammed out to worship music every day and had a lot of “Lord, please forgive me” moments. I made a better commitment to the choir at church… so that was good. But overall, I dropped the ball with some of the spiritual commitments.
- Mentally
The first 2 weeks of the fast were just tragic, mentally. I finally started dealing with the reality of some things and it was DEPRESSING for me and the other party involved (especially because I was HANGRY and moody a lot in the beginning). I was so stressed and just consumed by so much negativity. So in the middle of the 2nd week, I made the decision to do all that I could to improve things and change the things that I could change. I stumbled across some goodies that I will share later that really helped me to get my mind right. However because I was so shot mentally, I basically gave up on the fast during the 3rd week. I low-key knew I wasn’t necessarily in the right place to do a 21 day fast because of everything that was going on but I still needed to free myself of distractions and face my realities head on. Like I said, I needed to work through some things so that I could DO BETTER moving forward.
Overall, the fast DID NOT go as planned or expected but I can honestly say I got A LOT out of the last 21 days and I feel better. My grades are POPPIN, work is awesome, and I spent a ton of time with my lovely family. A really important relationship to me outside of my family, got a heavy dose of honesty and direction, so things are better in that area as well. I am thankful. God was all in the last 21 days, leading me to this new knowledge and new inspirations. I learned SO MUCH and I am already implementing this new knowledge into my life. It’s definitely helping me to deal and make the BEST out of everything. I am thankful for all of the knowledge I stumbled across during the fast. I am thankful for the much needed, honest, intense, and ugly conversations the fast made happen. #RealityCheck I really just wanted things to be better in every aspect of my life. I am thankful for everyone who puts up with my overly sensitive and intense self. The last 21 days was a huge test and it is definitely going to enable me to make 2018 my best year yet. I feel really good right now. I am sipping on some pineapple infused water while typing this. Like last year, the 21 days inspired a new health kick. I will do a separate post about that.
I missed you guys! And I am excited about the new stuff I have to share.
Love ALWAYS,
Megan