Checking In

 
Hay Daizee Loves!

Oh, how I have missed this.

Y ’all know that MEG CANNOT WRITE… unless she is RIGHT.  

I have not posted to the blog in months! But if you have
read the most recent posts… you know that I was trying to figure out where I left
Jesus, and I was praying for CHANGE in my life. SURPRISE. SURPRISE. I left
Jesus where I let my feelings rule over my faith. I left Jesus where I let my
fear control me. I left Jesus when I put my entire being into a relationship (situationship)
He NEVER gave me the green light to be in. I left Jesus when I let sin take precedence
over my soul.

Y ‘all, I was craving change so deeply and desperately
because my spirit was drained, deprived, and neglected for like the last 2-3
years. AND MY SPIRIT knows that if it AIN’T GOD… it AIN’T IT.

Once again… Meg failed THE SAME TEST and it led to heartache
and heartbreak. BUT IT IS OKAY. I know that the same God who created my heart is
the same God who will heal it for the hundredth time… and I am so thankful for
that. I am incredibly disappointed in myself, but I am learning how to forgive
myself and how to show compassion and love towards myself. That is really hard
for perfectionist Meg, but thank you God for my perfect savior… Jesus Christ.
Thank you God for forgiving me. Thank you God for your grace and mercy. Thank
you God for loving me at my absolute worst, ugliest, and lowest.

(Listen to V. Rose – At My Worst)

So, there you have it. I am single. I know I am in a season
where I need to LET GO and heal from multiple situations. Past romances, toxic friendships,
my best friend’s death, childhood trauma… the list goes on. At this point, my life
and sanity are depending on me to allow God’s TRUTH to be deeply rooted in my
heart again. Because truth be told, I don’t like who I have become. I have
allowed my heart to be hardened by lies and pain over the years. It’s not cute,
and it does not show FAITH. I have to LET GO and LET GOD. Because I do not want
to continue to carry these issues with me and it keep me from my blessings. I don’t
want my issues to keep me from the woman God created me to be. I have to let
this stuff go for myself and my future.

Side note: Dear future husband and kids... I already think
about you guys so much… and I deeply desire to be the woman you guys need…
filled with all of the love God chose me to give to you… I really want to be
ready for y ’all…

I also know that I am in a season where I have to stop
allowing the fear of being alone paralyze me. Not only does it paralyze me, but
it has made me run to and cling to things that are not of God or from God. It
is so evident with my “relationship” choices and straying away from Jesus
(Hello New Age phase). I am always looking for love and saving in everything
except my Savior. What’s up with that?

I also know that I am in a season where I need to hold on to
what I WANT and say NO to everything that’s NOT it. BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I WANT.
I have been able to articulate what it is FOR YEARS. So why do I run from it? Why
do I run away from the woman I need to be to have it? More importantly than
that, I need to ensure that what I WANT is what I NEED… according to what GOD
wants for me. This applies across the board! If it’s not in HIS WILL for my
life, then I do not want it.

Anyways, I just wanted to check in with my Daizee Loves. If
you are going through it, you are NOT alone. This was a tough holiday season
for me. But I know a better, healthier, and whole Meg is ON THE WAY. I know
2020 is going to be filled with blessings, surprises, growth, opportunities,
and most importantly… HEALING.

I am praying for resiliency, courage, boldness, INCREASED
FAITH, increased creativity, inspiration, influence, and IMPACT. God, use me.
Holy Spirit, move me! Jesus… thank you <3

I love y’ all and thanks for reading!

Love ALWAYS,

Megan