The Other Side

Hay Daizee Loves!

I know it has been a GOOD minute. I have not posted anything for my blog since I celebrated its 1 year anniversary back in September. Reason being… I just HAVE NOT had anything to write about. At first I was just stuck in a stressful routine. There was absolutely no creativity, inspiration, or motivation over here. Then, at the beginning of December, I switched job positions in the midst of my course finals and I was just SWAMPED and OVERWHELMED.

So, here we are at the beginning of a new year and I just wanted to tell y ’all…. I AM HAPPY! For the first time in what feels like 3-4 years, I am GENUINELY happy. I first noticed this feeling during the anniversary of Pretty Daizee. I was like,” OMG is that a genuine Megan smile on my face?!” but sadly, the happy feelings retreated quickly.

SN: Focusing on anything that allows my true self to shine ALWAYS brings me happiness. However, once I get sucked back into my “adulting routine”, the happiness disappears.  

Next, I recall being asked to name 3 things I was thankful for at church after Thanksgiving and I immediately started crying. GOOD TEARS. I realized that FOR THE FIRST TIME (in seriously like 4 years), I wasn’t hiding in my grandma’s back room crying my eyes out, nursing a broken heart and wishing everything was different. I wasn’t plastering a fake smile on my face in front of my family and pretending everything was okay this year. I was SO THANKFUL because I realized that what I was feeling was legitimate. I have been so used to faking it until I make it, and I must say I think I do a great job faking it. I have been faking it hoping I would soon make it for a while now, and this year I WAS NOT faking. I MADE IT. I made it to the other side.

The other side of what Megan? The other side of betrayal, rejection, heartache, dancing with the devil, running from the pain, playing victim to life, questioning God’s love for me, ALLADAT!

I am on the side where there is almost a completely healed heart (from multiple situations… not just relationships), forgiveness towards ALL OF THOSE who did me wrong, forgiveness and compassion towards myself for where I think I went wrong, and the side where I can use all of the ugly to create something beautiful. And it is not like I have not wrote about this or did not think I would finally be BETTER THAN OKAY again. It is just the realization that I am finally on THE OTHER SIDE of it all.

My first week in my new position, everyone commented on how happy and different I seemed. Coworkers who just met me kept commenting on my smile. I’m GLOWING, baby! I basically went into the holiday season like “Guess who’s back?!” lol and y ‘all I must say, I MISSED ME. And you won’t understand what I mean by missing myself if you haven’t lost yourself. The YOU before the hurt. But I won’t dwell on that because I LET IT GO.

Last thing… check this out. I am at church like all of the time. I love God, and I know that He is the center of my joy… but I was not happy. You have to remember that joy and happiness are two completely different things. We find joy in our relationship with our Father and Savior. That is why you can have joy in the midst of heartache. The joy is in the fact that your soul belongs to our Father in heaven and when your time here on the earth is up, you have a place with Him. HOWEVER, happiness is an INSIDE thing. It is an emotion. It is personal. It is between you… and you. Be mindful of giving others the power to affect your happiness in a negative way (i.e. relationship issues). BUT if you are focused on God and NOT letting the devil mess with your mind, you should have TRUE JOY. And TRUE JOY definitely guides us in finding happiness within ourselves.  

SO YEAH. I really am happy. Not because of a certain person or certain things going on in my life (ALTHOUGH THEY HELP), I am just happy with Megan MeCheyell. I have accepted everything that has gotten me where I am today and I have released the hurt. The past is the past and my future is bright. Time truly heals ALL and I am FINALLY on the other side. It was a long time coming.

If you are reading this and you are on the unhappy, unfulfilled, and faking it until you make it side… I am here to tell you that you will be on the other side before you know it. Especially if you are intentional about getting there.

Life does not stop, so keep living. One day at a time.

P.S. I think I might write out some tips on what I think helped get me to this point.

P.P.S. I can’t wait to share with you guys in a more detailed and different way this year!

 Happy New Year Daizee Loves. I love y ‘all!

Thanks for reading.

Love ALWAYS,

Megan