It's NOT About Me
Hay Daizee Loves!
If you didn’t know, I have recently purchased a home. Freshly 26 and single, so that’s huge. #NewHomeowner In the middle of a global pandemic, God decided to bless me in mighty ways. The crazy part is, the house isn’t even my biggest blessing in this season. He has truly been showing out in ALL areas of my life.
With that being said, it would be all too easy to get a BIG HEAD and to think I was poppin’ because of how He has been showering me in big blessings. #NewHouseWhoDis #NewBaeWhoDis #NewBodyWhoDis BUT I know better than that.
You see… I was down at my lowest point September 29, 2019. At this point, I had been continuously triggered for months by my childhood trauma, and was still trying to hold on to someone God told me to let go of. LISTEN CHILD. I went through hell until the New Year fighting for my life EVERY SINGLE DAY (in my head). It was such an intense spiritual and mental battle. So, when I finally sincerely repented (THIS IS SO IMPORTANT) and asked God to help me… I started to feel hope again. And let me tell y ‘all… He started to show me the way out. He showed me that HE HAD ME and only wanted what was best for me. He showed me that no matter how high and rough the waves got… He would be WITH ME in my storms and give me peace *inserts praise break*.
So with that being said, I am not most thankful for an earthly possession or a person in this season. I am most thankful for the way He has touched my mind and my heart over the last 7-8 months. I am thankful for the way He has started to heal my open wounds and bring me out of darkness. I am thankful that He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion (Philippians 1:6).
I do feel like I deserve to be happy because I haven’t been in so long. But I do understand that we were created to bring God glory. That’s it. That’s all. I can’t claim I am chosen but try to run my own life. It doesn’t work like that. And at this point, I feel like I can only get in my own way to a certain extent. God is going to move how God wants to move in my life, and it is much easier to submit to His will for my life and be obedient. There will be suffering in this world BUT I have brought a lot of it on myself and I will not be doing that anymore. Lol
Anyways, I wrote this to express to you all that none of it (the test and trials or the big blessings) is about me. He has brought me out of situations that make me wonder why He has kept me alive. He has blessed me in ways that show it could only be Him moving in my life. The magnitude of the blessings and the amount of favor on my life proves to me that there are people attached to me (some who I have never met #HayMyBabies) and my obedience. It is ALL about HIM. My test and trials are a testimony to His goodness and His faithfulness. Being loved at my worst and in the middle of my own unfaithfulness is proof of God’s never ending and unconditional love for us.
I am now in a place where I am genuinely thankful for my storms. They made me stronger. They left me with no choice BUT to #BloomUP. They put me in a mindset where all I crave is joy, peace, and love. They put me in the mindset where I love the giver more than the gift. Give me you. Everything else can wait. They put me in a place where I can recognize and truly appreciate GOOD because of all of the bad. They put me in position to be ready for the big blessings, walk in my purpose, and embrace the responsibility of being chosen.
Let it go. Heal. Walk forward in faith knowing that God indeed does have more than you could ever hope or ask for in store for you.
He really has been showing out and I am so thankful. But I choose Him and His kingdom over everything else now.
Matthew 6:33
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I am a living testimony. I love you guys and miss writing. There’s so much I want to share with you all in this season. Stay tuned.
Love ALWAYS,
Megan